Friday, May 19, 2006

Cop Magnet

Some people are chick magnets. Some people are money magnets. (Or is that Magnate... whatever). And then there are people like Jason and Brian D. who are magnets for any kind of chaos or bad stuff that is out there... the more implausible, the better. Jason is the sort of guy who can have a three-of-a-kind, and invariably there is someone at the table with a full house... or even a royal flush. If it's going to happen in the game, it will be when Jason has three aces. But I digress...

I, dear friends, am a cop magnet. My friend Jack was once laughing at me (okay, he laughs at me all the time... but I'm referring to one time in particular) because I am such a law-abiding citizen. I don't speed, and I refuse to have anything in the house that was pirated (music, movies, etc.). Chris sneaks stuff by me, but if I find it, I destroy it. Basically, no matter how inane the law is, I will follow it.

I'd like to say that the reason for this is because I am a really good person and citizen of this here planet. However, the truth is, I follow the law because if I don't, I will get caught. Ever since I was a tyke, I can't seem to get away with anything. I've been stopped four times for speeding, and I have four speeding tickets to show for it. I have NEVER been "let go." The closest I've come to getting a warning is when a cop pulled me over at midnight on an empty highway when I was by myself because he THOUGHT I was speeding (I wasn't) and then he noticed my license plate wasn't in his computer (NCDMV are never in a hurry to do their paperwork). When he told me why he pulled me, I asked him if he knew I was a woman by myself when he turned on his lights. He said, "Yes." This was at the height of "blue-light bandits" in NC... there had been a rash of attacks. Ass.

Anyway, in addition to my tickets, my very first two-car accident involved me backing into a police car at a very low speed in a parking lot. Mind you, the officer was at fault, and did all but admit that it was his fault. I was sixteen and it was dark. My reverse lights were working and were on. I was driving a '79 Cadillac de Ville. There was a truck on one side of me and a van on the other. I couldn't see very well around them, so I was going VERY slowly. There is no way said cop couldn't have seen me. The butt of that car was roughly the size of Rhode Island. Yet he continued to move forward in the parking lot, causing me to bump his front fender. Imagine being sixteen and licensed to drive for about a month, and seeing that you have just hit a police car. I can laugh about it now...

So today, I added to my list of cop weirdness when, much to my surprise, in the McDonald's drive-thru this morning (and believe it or not, it wasn't THAT McDonald's), a cop rear-ended ME. It was only a slight bump, and no damage was done. But really... what are the chances? *sigh*

6 comments:

Amy said...

Oooh, you should sue. You can sue him and the city and you will be rich!

Or you should have just asked him to buy your lunch.

Chris said...

Chris sneaks stuff by me, but if I find it, I destroy it.

Pardon? I don't mind you taking shots at me now and then, but libel? Please. You're going to ruin my already bad reputation...

Besides, if I was intent on sneaking something by you, you'd never know. :-P

A Girl From Texas said...

I can think of many magnets I would like to be but a "cop magnet" is definitely not one of them.

Great story, though.

I knew a girl who was in a car accident with a police officer. I think she ran a red light actually. He ended up marrying her. Now that's a serious cop magnet.

Jessey said...

I wonder what sort of magnet I am? Lately it seems I am a magnet for milky spit up, but that's to be expected.

I once -- post Elizabeth but pre Dylan -- went out to a bar with my SIL and I was a magnet for drunk Mexican gentlemen. That wasn't a fun magnet to be either.

Jason said...

Thank you for the free advertising, by the way.

The poker game in question was the time that I had a straight flush to the queen, and was beaten by a straight flush to the king.

This is essentially the #3 possible hand in poker getting beat by the #2 possible hand. We were playing with a wild card (5 card draw, duece of clubs wild), but neither hand had it. Hence the name of my blog.

Chris said...

The official definition of a "Jason Hand" is having a hand too good to fold but is automatically the second best hand at the table.

It happened to me the last time I played over at Dickerson's, so don't feel so bad. I had four tens and the other guy had four jacks. I hate wildcards. I'll just say that my four of a kind was a bit more honest than his...