Monday, June 02, 2008

The Quest for Hotness: Return to the Gym

So I'm a few weeks into the Quest, which means it's officially time to get off all that ass I'm trying to rid myself of and start exercising. I don't suppose I HAVE to exercise, but I prefer to eat more liberally than most diets would allow, and therefore exercise is key. Of course, pair that with the fact that we have been paying for a gym membership that has gone largely unused these last few months and, well... it's time to get hoppin'.

So I had a half day at work today, and some plans I had fell through, so instead of moping about, I made the most of it. I came home, had lunch, ran a few errands, then, dutifully checked in at the gym. I then realized I had not brought water, and had to buy a bottle for $2 in their little shop. *sigh* I really had to though... I cannot work out without water.

I walked into the swanky locker room and stopped short... there was a MAN in the locker room, doing something with the towel bin. Fixing it, I suppose. I looked around... yep... women's locker room. Looked at him again... looked around... no naked women apparent. Hmmmmmmmmm. Finally, in what seemed like hours but was probably about ten seconds, all was explained when another attendant (female) shouted, "Okay, ladies... all clear... the man is leaving the locker room." Whew! For a moment, I thought we had gone all coed.

I changed, bopped upstairs, and jumped on a treadmill. BNL blaring from my iPod, I set the timer to 30 minutes on the "random" incline program and took off. Now, almost always, I sort of cheat my 30 minutes. When the timer hits 25, I hit "cool down"and do a five minute cool down... which on the treadmill is really just standing still with finesse. But today, I took it all the way to 30, and THEN I did my cooldown. YAY ME!

After that, I did some time on the machines... legs, abs, butt. Good times. I did quite well, I think, and the only real demoralizing part of the whole thing was the fact that I was there when school let out, and so most of the people working out with me were young, nubile, teen girls and their pimply, gangly counterparts. In fact, while on the treadmill, a young girl jumped on the treadmill in front of me. She had "CHEER!" eblazoned across her ass on the orange short-shorts she was wearing.

"Great!" I thought. "I don't have to Quest for the Hotness... I can just follow it!" *sigh*


Jessica said...

First, I love the idea that the Quest "starts" a few weeks into the Quest. Brilliant! I should have done that too. A few more days of Hershey bars wouldn't have killed me!

And bravo to you for even daring enter a gym. My many years of gymming (is that a word?) taught me that fat people (such as myself) are not welcomed in gyms. Gyms are for skinny hos.
Once I get to skinny ho status, I might reconsider my lifetime ban on entering a gym. For now, I work out at home. At home, I'm the skinniest ho in the place!

PS: Cheerleader skinny ho, worst kind of skinny ho. Rah!

Anonymous said...

Oooh, I hate when the girls wear their school sweats with words emblazoned on their butts. It's very inappropriate. My kids are going to hate me. I will have a very firm "No words on the ass!" rule. My mom always worried about putting my name on my shirt b/c kidnappers could entice me by calling my name. Now we're just enticing molesters.

And I said the same thing to David this weekend about needing to go to the gym so I could actually eat. The last week, when I was sick, I didn't work out once, but I didn't gain. I ate what I needed to to maintain my weight, and I must say a few days I was a bit hungry. It's a bad day when oatmeal, apple, pineapple, turkey burger, corn and a piece of cheese puts you at your food limit for the day.

eaf said...

To clarify, I STARTED the Quest several weeks ago. I just cut back on the food intake. Now that I've lost some weight, phase two begins.

I have not been eating extra Hershey bars this whole time! Unfortunately.

Staci said...

*cheers enthusiastically for your Quest* "cheer" on my booty tho. Gooooooooooooooo Eliz!

Youre inspiring me... Ive slacked on my gymming lately. *sheepish look*

Brant said...

So exactly what is so wrong with having a co-ed locker room? Especially if it's the after-school, nubile-words-on-their-ass crowd?

Just wanting to understand here....

eaf said...

Well, Brant. Without being co-ed, I am already sharing a locker room with the after-school, nubile-words-on-their-ass crowd. You, on the other hand, get the gangly, pimply-faced portion. Too bad for you, I suppose.