Friday, July 22, 2005

Where's Bam-Bam?

Hello. My name is Elizabeth. And I am a hypocrite. But before you judge me... just be sure your house is not made of glass. Hear me out.

From the age of 16 or so, most girls utter this sentence from time to time:

"Oh my GOD. Do you see what that child is wearing?! I would never subject MY child to THAT!"


"What is that woman thinking? I cannot believe she {fill in the blank with something related to how she is handling/dressing/changing/disciplining her child}. I would NEVER do that."

For instance, I remember saying once, "How can people bring BABIES to RESTAURANTS?! What is the point of THAT?! What are they THINKING?!" Now that I actually understand how much energy is consumed by simply getting dinner on and off the table, I take my kid to all kinds of places to eat. Fortunately, most of the time, they are places that serve food. I have even been known to take her into bars. Well... bars that serve food, of course, but bars are bars are bars.

And once, I said "I will NEVER put my baby girl in pink!" Well, gosh darn it... she looks pretty damn good in pink.

And once I said, "I will NEVER take a child under the age of five to DisneyWorld. I mean, what is the POINT?! They don't remember it anyway. I went when I was six and only have the vaguest memory of it." Guess where I am taking my baby (who will then be 18 months) in November? Oh... and get this.... I'm taking her there primarily so she can get her hair cut. Which leads me to my next "never."

"I will never put my child's hair up in a little ponytail on top of her head like Pebbles from the Flintstones." Well, folks... therein lies a conundrum. See, if I continue to refuse to cut her hair until we go to Orlando (when you get your first haircut there, they give you special Mickey Ears and sprinkle pixie dust in your hair), then I have to do something with it to keep it out of her eyes. She is starting to look like a blond McCartney circa 1964. Much longer, and she will look like a blond Slash.

I tried barrettes, but her hair is so thin, they slide right out, and once one is out, she will attempt to dine on the little plastic thing. And then it happened. One day, the ladies at the daycare couldn't take it anymore... and when Chris picked her up that afternoon... there it was... the Pebbles Do. He immediately called me and said, "Wait until you see what they have done with her hair!"

So I walk in from work, and she comes running up to me... ponytail standing at attention directly on top of her head. I was horrified! And then I stepped back and thought... hmmmmm... it's kind of cute. And on the next trip to Target, I found myself in the hair care aisle (somewhere I don't usually visit too often as most of you know) looking for "No Tears" rubber bands.

Now... if they just sold little plastic bones, the look would be complete.

No comments: