Friday, September 19, 2008

Past, Present, and Future

Forgive me... this may ramble a bit.

Facebook has put me in touch with some people from my past who, in many cases, I had never expected to hear from again. It has made me reflect a great deal on my past lately--who I really am, and how I became that person. I've often wondered if I made good decisions in my life, and if those decisions really led me down the right path. Honestly, more often I've wondered how I got so freaking lucky that I DID make the right decisions, and I didn't end up married to evil emotionally destructive boyfriend from my mid-twenties or Navy guy from my college days. And I really love looking back at events in my life and seeing how they shape decisions I make today.

It takes many women a long time to come to terms with who they are and actually love themselves. I've been fortunate, in that I've been surrounded my whole life by friends who are supportive and real. I have managed to avoid a large amount of backstabbing, catfighting, and mudwrestling. (Sorry... but I wanted to be sure my male readers were still with me).

Anyway, as I reconnect with people who I have known for a TERRIBLY long time... who knew me before I learned to love myself and before I had really formed my own identity... I am amazed at how well they actually do know me. My inner core really hasn't changed that much. And as I am prodded to remember a moment from first grade (which I still remember SO clearly it's frightening)... just one moment when I first met someone... I marvel at how I can recall my little six-year-old mind processing what was happening, and my ability to realize that this person I was meeting... this was a good person. And this person would mean something to me later in my life. Even though I had no concept of what my life would be.

I see it in my kids too. I see their inner core. I watch them process new information and explore the world to figure out where they fit in. It's magical. And the perspective it gives on my own life... it's hard to explain. I am so excited to see what they choose. I'm fearful, yes, but I see their hearts right now... their true selves. And I love what I see. With hearts like theirs, I know it is all going to be just fine.

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