Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Life... In a Nutshell

The past few months have been rather tumultuous for me. I've made some rather large, life-altering decisions and I've been building some new friendships at the same time. This is, of course, exhausting work for introverted little old me, but it does feel good to be taking some risks and putting myself out there. I wasn't blogging so much when I first became a mom, although Chris does have some of my writing from that time archived somewhere. Still, the point is, it wasn't an easy transition for me. I am way more comfortable in my own skin with no responsibility for taking care of the skin (or any other parts) of others. So there were many days in those first few months of Athena's life where I wept in mourning for my old life.

I think all the mid-life crisising and changing going on in my life now is a result of the shift I'm seeing in my children. We are moving into the part of their life where they don't need me to do every little thing for them. Athena finally seems to be getting the whole potty thing (although we aren't done there yet) and even Marcus is showing very promising signs of being trained soon. Athena sometimes helps Young MC put on his shoes and he is trying to dress himself, sometimes quite successfully. Athena even mastered buckling her own seatbelt the other day, which I KNOW she has been able to do, but she has been stubbornly refusing to do it. Suddently, that is all better. And I am seeking to reclaim some of what I was before... the actress, the dancer, the traveler.

I know I should be a little sad that the baby years are over, and I suppose if you insist, I will tell you that I do miss them a little. I look back at the pictures and remember the feeling of that warm, snuggly baby sleeping in my arms. But then I also remember that said baby kept ME from sleeping and I sort of, you know... get over it.

Because of my job and my personality, Chris is the de facto parent in charge. I am capable of parenting, but he gets the bulk of that work because he is more patient than I and because, let's face it, he's here more than I am. My share of the work tends to fall on keeping the household running and making sure there is food on the table. I've been shirking my duties of late because the turmoil in my life (mid-life psychoses, writing performance evaluations, making friends, and dealing with infecting body piercings all factor in here) has been so distracting and exhausting. I spent a good deal of Monday afternoon (which I had off work) just stumbling around the messy, chore-filled house trying to figure out where to start.

So today, I am working another half day. Tomorrow, I am heading to Atlanta for Dragon*Con. I am really hoping that this afternoon I can get a little accomplished at home so I don't feel like such a slug. The infection is treated and only a little irritation is left. My abdomen still has to recover a bit from the antibiotics, but that's not bad. I should have enough stability now to move forward.

I hope...

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