Depression

It is a well-known fact that pregnancy leads to moodiness. How can it not, really? You are bringing another human being into the world and you will be expected to shape and mold it and turn it into a fine citizen. Or at the very least, The President of the United States. No pressure, folks.

It is also a well-known fact that women are generally moody. It's those hormones of ours. They do weird things to the brain. Some of us are worse than others, but few women can claim that they have never experienced a random, unexplainable mood swing.

And finally, it's a well-known fact that only women can be pregnant. Is this a recipe for disaster or what?! Take a person who is by nature moody, and throw a parasitic creature into her abdomen. Then tell her she has no more than nine months to prepare for its arrival and then she will need to become the perfect mother (while remaining the perfect partner in many cases). How is it that we don't simply explode from the hormonal mood swings while pregnant?!

So I have now entered moody hell. I am less than two months away from what I am sure will be beyond life-changing, and I am not really ready to welcome it. Just in the past 24 hours, I have come to realize that I may miss a huge opportunity at work (the kind of opportunity that only knocks once and could actually ensure your entire future success) because I would have to commit to a three-day workshop starting March 28. With a due date of March 21... I simply cannot make that commitment. This makes me angry, and then guilty that I'm angry.

I have also learned that I may well have to interview for a job I really want while in labor and delivery, due to the timing of when the job will probably post and close. Another topper is that there is another job opportunity kind of knocking around my front door that offers a much higher compensation, but will once again put me back in the position of making $15K or more less than a peer. I did that once, and although this peer will actually be competent... I just can't degrade myself like that again. So what might have offered us at least a year or so of financial stability may fall apart just because of my pesky principles. (I only say a year or so because the company I would work for is doomed. Literally. The writing is on the wall. I would be boarding a sinking ship).

As if all this weren't overwhelming enough, I've learned that my husband has been making assumptions about how I feel about something that is important to both of us, and now that I know how he thinks I feel, he doesn't even really want to talk about it. This is his right, of course, but it makes me wonder how many assumptions I've made about his feelings that may be wrong. And that, folks, is just depressing.

For instance, I may be just assuming he doesn't want to talk about it. I asked him if we could, but he didn't answer. Perhaps he didn't even hear me. I suppose that will get cleared up when he reads this, anyway.

If there is one thing I hate about people... it's that we assume way too frequently because, quite honestly, it's easier, and we are totally wrong about 90% of the time. I pride myself on checking assumptions and trying to be sure I am using valid information rather than guesses, and yet I rarely seem to ACTUALLY check assumptions. I sort of assume that I have made the right assumptions. The word "ass" isn't prominent in "assumption" for nothing, people. I am living proof.

Don't let this post get you down. After all, that's the great thing about moodiness... if you don't like the current mood here, just wait 20 minutes... it will change.